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From: Dallas Hinton (1:153/715)
To: All
Date: Thu, 16.02.12 14:46
Hi All!
Here are a few humorous grammar rules!

Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill, corrected on
this error once, responded to the young man who corrected him by saying "Young
man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I will not put!

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.Wink

Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

Be more or less specific.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies endlessly over and over

No sentence fragments.

Contractions aren't always necessary and shouldn't be used to excess so don't.

Foreign words and phrases are not always apropos.

Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly
superfluous and can be excessive.

All generalizations are bad.

Don't use no double negatives.

Avoid excessive use of ampersands & abbrevs., etc.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake (Unless they are as good as

The passive voice is to be ignored.

Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words, however, should
be enclosed in commas.

Never use a big word when substituting a diminutive one would suffice.

Don't overuse exclamation points!!!

Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth
earth-shaking ideas.

Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed and use
it correctly with words' that show possession.

Don't use too many quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations.. Tell me what you know."

If you've heard it once, you've heard it a billion times: Resist hyperbole; not
one writer in a million can use it correctly. Besides, hyperbole is always
overdone, anyway.

Puns are for children, not groan readers.

Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Who needs rhetorical questions? However, what if there were no rhetorical

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Avoid "buzz-words"; such integrated transitional scenarios complicate
simplistic matters.

People don't spell "a lot" correctly alot of the time.

Each person should use their possessive pronouns correctly.

All grammar and spelling rules have exceptions (with a few
exceptions)....Morgan's Law.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

The dash - a sometimes useful punctuation mark - can often be overused - even
though it's a helpful tool some of the time.

Proofread carefully to make sure you don't repeat repeat any words.

In writing, it's important to remember that dangling sentences.

Cheers... Dallas

--- timEd/386 1.10.y2k+
* Origin: The BandMaster, CANADA [telnet:] (1:153/715)

From: alexander koryagin (2:5020/400)
To: All
Date: Fri, 17.02.12 17:18
Re: Humour
processed: spam filter heuristic analysis disabled)

From: "alexander koryagin"

Hi, Dallas Hinton! How are you?
on Friday, 17 of February, I read your message to All
about "Humour"

DH> Here are a few humorous grammar rules!
DH> Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

DH> Never use a preposition to end a sentence with. Winston Churchill,
DH> corrected on this error once, responded to the young man who corrected
DH> him by saying "Young man, that is the kind of impudence up with which I
DH> will not put!

DH> And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

Probably better to read something like this:

=========Beginning of the citation==============
George and I were for camping out. We said it would be so wild and
free, so patriarchal like.

Slowly the golden memory of the dead sun fades from the hearts of the
cold, sad clouds. Silent, like sorrowing children, the birds have ceased
their song, and only the moorhen's plaintive cry and the harsh croak of
the corncrake stirs the awed hush around the couch of waters, where the
dying day breathes out her last.

From the dim woods on either bank, Night's ghostly army, the grey
shadows, creep out with noiseless tread to chase away the lingering
rearguard of the light, and pass, with noiseless, unseen feet, above the
waving river-grass, and through the sighing rushes; and Night, upon her
sombre throne, folds her black wings above the darkening world, and, from
her phantom palace, lit by the pale stars, reigns in stillness.

Then we run our little boat into some quiet nook, and the tent is
pitched, and the frugal supper cooked and eaten. Then the big pipes are
filled and lighted, and the pleasant chat goes round in musical undertone;
while, in the pauses of our talk, the river, playing round the boat,
prattles strange old tales and secrets, sings low the old child's song
that it has sung so many thousand years - will sing so many thousand years
to come, before its voice grows harsh and old - a song that we, who have
learnt to love its changing face, who have so often nestled on its
yielding bosom, think, somehow, we understand, though we could not tell
you in mere words the story that we listen to.

And we sit there, by its margin, while the moon, who loves it too,
stoops down to kiss it with a sister's kiss, and throws her silver arms
around it clingingly; and we watch it as it flows, ever singing, ever
whispering, out to meet its king, the sea - till our voices die away in
silence, and the pipes go out - till we, common-place, everyday young men
enough, feel strangely full of thoughts, half sad, half sweet, and do not
care or want to speak - till we laugh, and, rising, knock the ashes from
our burnt-out pipes, and say "Good-night, " and, lulled by the lapping
water and the rustling trees, we fall asleep beneath the great, still
stars, and dream that the world is young again - young and sweet as she
used to be ere the centuries of fret and care had furrowed her fair face,
ere her children's sins and follies had made old her loving heart - sweet
as she was in those bygone days when, a new-made mother, she nursed us,
her children, upon her own deep breast - ere the wiles of painted
civilization had lured us away from her fond arms, and the poisoned sneers
of artificiality had made us ashamed of the simple life we led with her,
and the simple, stately home where mankind was born so many thousands
years ago.

=========The end of the citation================

[...Pride goes before a fall]
Bye Dallas!
Alexander (yAlexKo[] + 2:5020/2140.91
fido7.english-tutor 2012

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